from 10/8/2020
Vision
He held you in his giant hand
a grateful cage, soft but firm
and now that your need outgrows it
his palm opens around you
releasing what has been held in place
by his generosity
You stand feet firm still on the stable flesh of his hand
and peer out onto the infinite horizons that belong to you
from 10/7/2020
OLDISH MEN
Me and my cat
sitting astride in acceptable postures
establishing laws
SNOW WHITE
who loved you
according to your wish
so well
I brought, in her love, to light the gifts of the world
my tongue
a samarai sword
of soft fire
What do I do to deserve this?
Any speech inadequate to this love
yet flowers fall from my mouth,
so wet with your dew
THE VALUE OF NARCISSISM
They love love when you give it to them!
The love it!
They know it’s an impossible standard
given how they test you
but they expect it from you!
Be greatest at loving
Every day
Be the thing God boasted about
so proud of his progeny
who loved and loved so well,
with such ferocity, such might-of-heart
supping on puddles of joy!
MY EGO
is what I say my name is
what word I apply to my thoughts
what slant I say of my feelings
Ego perfectly aligned with truth
is always singing truth
saying the best word to call out what truly is
lights by placing itself in light
a stamp of God imprinting itself on the world
from 9/23/2020
on the surface
of my being
my face emerges
August 25, 1972 I celebrated my birthday.
I decided, with nothing to do, to access Spirit and let Spirit lead. My attitude was love for myself, my birth, my journey, my desires, my future, and prayer to God for MORE GOD!! I went to various regular environments, received calls and texts (each one from God), telling everyone with ears, “It’s my birthday (and I do what I want!!)” There’s something reverent to how we treat people on their birthdays in this culture- as though everyone is blessed in the blessing of the birthday boy/girl/ ! To all who live, a universally recognized sacred holiday: for this one day we treat them as a soul who was born importantly for the goodness of all- them more than anyone else, this day honored and kept from anything displeasureable, their word is command! I went and sat at a table of near strangers and was welcomed like air, all social rights afforded to me. I thought, “If everyday, is everyone’s birthday…” pondering, envisioning…
from “On This Day” 8/23/2017
Sometimes, I seek In famous criminals
The virtue they never lost.
Oh, my heart takes wing
and I pray as angels surely do
a desperate love, a slovenly love, opened and pierced,
a one thought that brings my will to unison;
a one clench of my heart at full might,
a prayer
that the pearl of virtue that remains
redeems them.
To J.
June 21, 2020
I prayed to God
for a woman I would love
even more than I love you.
And since I love you a whole lot,
It took a while to find her.
And now I believe I have found her.
from 5/12/2020
When I was in the womb
I remember being a baby in the womb
6 or 7 months grown
listening to my mother
talk about me on the phone to her mother or one of her friends,
“What are they saying about me? How can I know? How can I discern/tell/know/interpret what they say they know about me
so I can learn of myself? myself in this new existence in this world-
the only life I will ever have– more precious than gold.
I hadn’t yet considered for myself what I want,
and yet, here they are discussing what I shall be.
And it felt very strange. Not good. Shameful. Disappointing.
And fearful and weak.
Submissive to the dominant narrative of that time,
of what men should turn out to be (or might, if they are weak).
What I shall be… what I shall be…
I hadn’t known that for myself, yet they spoke of it anyway.
How could I know for myself what I shall be?
Is it their version of me that I desire?
OR Is it this something unnamed I feel,
that I only of yet, just now, feel unformulated in me,
the gooey crysalis of my becoming?
I hope they all will encourage me to find my own way of being,
for surely, it is good,
as, I am good,
and only good can come of me.
from 5/5/2020
A little more time
(ie I am a spiritual fool)
A little more time
before
you
I
we
do that.
I reject you in the short term
knowing you’ll return.
I reject you in the short term
and that’s forever
(wink!)
A little more time
and I will change for you;
my closed fist will
open to embrace you.
(wink)
Don’t you know
that’s always the truth?
How dare you question me!
I reject you, now, and that’s forever-
but, my ‘wink’ means “hope” (i.e., you should hope, not me)
There’s always hope!
(wink)
from 4/2/2020
Many a spiritual tradition asks the adherent to oppose one’s own ego. As if anything but ego would oppose itself. Notice how arrogant we become, proud of self-murder, we smirk at the world, superior-seeming. But I love that Way that holds the cup of self to God and says, in that reflection, “Here, I am; in this manner, I.”
What if ‘ego‘ is that part that says, “I,” or “Not I,” is actually the part of ourselves that is learning?… and, what if ego is that particular “sense of myself” that I have cognized presently? What if ego is always present-time, unless identified otherwise? What if ego has an organic, functional origin above and beyond the need to gain spiritually through a discipline intent on its continual erasure? “Ooops! More ego, again, pesky little bugger. I’ll just spray it with bleach, this time,” or, “This time, I’ll hit it with a hammer,” or, “This time, I’ll shame it! Yeah! That’s what I’ll do! That makes it go away and hide so no one can see it, not even me!!”
Some say that it belongs to the genetic heritage of survival. “Good for my survival” or “not good for my survival.” “I am what is good for my survival and I am not what is not good for my survival.” What if my survival depends upon learning to have myself and others, too? Could it be, my survival depends upon learning right relationship, between “I” and “Not I”?
What if ego is the part of ourselves that is learning? What if ego is capable of having a sense of divinity? What if my ego is what hinges heaven to earth?
Stutz's Fairy Tales and Poems 