From 12/25/2018

Christmas Feast: Just Chai

I sat at the table, and the waitress, a middle-aged Indian woman, who, yet, has a child shining through her skin, served me. I drank the sweet and spicy tea with pleasure, and wrote in my notebook.    

Is it alright that I sit and write and drink tea? All is a ruse.  All is a ruse for prayer.     I am a clown performing these rituals so that the light may freely come.  If I were true, I would be on my knees, eyes skyward. 

The waitress asks if I would like more tea.  She seems awkward in this gesture, as, in her country, she was a river of chai and nourishment that only several dams could restrain.

The kind Sikh, the man in charge, comes to me and offers all the food I can eat as a gift- what ever I like to pay! I thank him for his kind gesture.  “I just don’t eat so early in the day,” I say.

And my heart booms flower bouquets flying outward in every direction.  I will eat later, his feast, and give him my whole wallet for his children to enjoy.

from 12/7/2018

The Way is a path of return.  It returns us both, we retrace the steps backward from how far we strayed, or were pushed, or jumped.

The beautiful truth reigns upon us both.

Will I be found beautiful as I speak the truth I love?

-no matter- never mind-

Only, let truth I love embrace the varieties of return.

---

 

How dark I am, Lord

that my song will have found vibrations in many people

unhiding their darkness with the sensitive key of my own, expressed.

Let my words find vibration with your traumas to heal them,

a balm for old wounds

I want to talk to you:  relax your ear and tongue- and let my soul speak with yours, if you would give us that gift.

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Evil Mother

Blame the wounded expression of me,

that your evil hurt out of already-shaped integrity.

Spider-mother, evil ravenous soul-

destroying the life you bore,

consuming the flash of light offering you self-realization

the instant its vibrations touch upon your web’s designs.

 

from 12/2/2018

Before Attracting Soul Mate…

you must first have:

spent time learning compassion for many people’s shadow selfs;

made many an error while lovemaking;

dove deeper and deeper into the Mariana Trench

               and returned with a treasure to share;

been shamed for your best intentions so many times

and so often that you have woken to love of self in their stead;

birthed children;

prayed to one God so many times,

so often, that your heart is changed-

changed to what you are.

Before attracting soul mate you must first have

wrote many books and published some,

stepped onto several stages and opened your voice loud

for that your heart is heard by many,

He Whose Heart Is Heard By Many.

 

Accepted yourself in time and space, separated,

while yet stepping forward onto one path that only your hope knows the answer to

as it calls out echoing through the valley toward the one you love,

boomerang, boomerang, boomerang

all through the valley, your voice.

 

 

from 9/4/2018

 

Song of the Lonely Man

Christ, what do I do with this loneliness?

I feel empty, like quicksand replaces my heart

and no one can stand in it.

Sinking.

All that I love is farther than the stars.

Let one hair of a human enter my field asking for co-relation.

from 8/9/2018

A Monk’s Decision

 

Jesus, I can not receive.

I am having a very hard time with this.

               ~The Dream~

I am not getting mercy, Lord.

I am eating dirt

and serving with Love

I am eating dirt, denied of pleasure

serving with Love.

Let this mistake be destroyed.

But do I have a single patch of flesh capable of consolation?

Touch is a thorn-

cuts upon my soul’s flesh;

feeling pleasure is poison-

giving it, a sin.

I have a crust for skin

and nothing, no one gets in.

a drop of rain...

from 7/11/2017

Laying on top of my lover

the grief (black balls)

releases from my center

I press my body into her

and sigh a great tear.

 

3/14/2018

A lot from the deep

is emerging through me

like boulders squeezing

through freezing earth-

these old pains cracking my armor.

I thought it was good

to be alone, with no support

as if my spiritual success depended on it

as if a tall mountain I must climb alone

with little food, a thin tent

and the burden of my ancestors on my back.

My world is turning, changing that expectation

into something warm and easy;

the prize is in the hearts of many friends

and a house to call my own

and trees all around me, fruiting

 

2/13/2018

Forgive me

Forgive me,

for I have let off a whiff of pheromone

seeing your beauty naked

whether or not it was ours for good for you to smell it.

Surely, that moment, I desired you, or perhaps

you reminded me of something I desired long ago-

and then, in that case, you reminded me

of something I sorrow for, or something not yet fulfilled.

I apologize.

Returning to Gurdjieff more these days.

(((Man, we are asleep in waking dreams comprised of fears and negative emotions, transmitted like a virus one to the other, and we have to wake up)))

 

Two People

“This could be very triggering for some”:

but… feel your heart… just do it

I can wait… I will offer you space to experience it.

Are you feeling it?  Your heart?
Now find what is within it… are you there?

Now, go speak it to the person it belongs with.

 

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