Introduction

Story of Myself, as I have been and am, by my recollection and experience

 

Let me introduce myself.  I am Jason Isaac Stutz.  I was born a child of Jewish lineage, with all my lineage after Africa having arisen in Eastern Europe, by the borders of Russia.  I have suffered greatly by the hands of my ancestors.  I would hope there is not a rabbi in the world who would claim that we are not still responsible for our own action in God. Even the people who murdered us lived by those same laws that require us to exercise free will in order to benefit from God’s Words.  Where my ancestors failed, I suffered, and had to be reborn. It was a long and arduous process unto this current day, full of fright from maleficent shadows full of rage and sinister intent, and I full of fright and hurt and rage for my treatment, and I, so much melancholy, self-harm, disbelief, abject loneliness… I felt I might never emerge from its depth.  Beaten, robbed, and rejected by my own family, save my father- but, for the love of everything true, I found my way to a better land, a traipsing Fool, a burgeoning Clown-saint.

Jesus:  I have a quadrillion stars in my one hand- would that I give to you them all?

Jason:  I see the stars and they are wonderful and so bright like silver chandeliers made of light.  (But, secretly, I wondered of their worth… are they not gold, and only silver?)

(The stars, Jesus discards, as I truly judged them for not being gold, and, now, his hands are empty.  He smiles, confrontingly- my only gift from him.) I gasp a bit, wondering… what if I had them, now? How many could I hold? What have I lost in judgement? The world?  All happiness?)

Jason:  Hi, Jesus.  Can we talk?  I know I don’t have a lot to give.  I’m trying, but can only think of myself.  Sometimes, I think of you and the light rays from your mind enter my field of being, transforming me right then and there. If only I could… let you enter?  Ask you a better question that you’ll respond to? Meet you where you are?  Meet myself where I am and be there without altering anything?

When I consider you, I forget myself… is that a good thing?  Am I doing it right?  I was dreaming just now, it felt pleasant.  Was that alright?

Jesus:  I have a quadrillion stars in my one hand- would that I give to you them all? (he asks a second time, after I have progress to it)

(I open my chest far back as my back can reach and absorb a hundred trillion stars into my being, belly and chest.

Now what? I wipe my mouth of all this water, smiling, as it’s really good.

Ok. I’m bored. Now what?

Jesus:  I have an answer to that question.